Why Have I Been So Retarded Lately?
Written on March 3, 2009 by Steven Fergus
It might seem a little strange of me to ask such a question, but this week I have just been so careless and stupid! There are many examples of my thickness:
On Saturday night I was out playing snooker with some friends, after which, we stood outside. My brother was replacing a bulb on his car, so I used my phone as a torch so he could see. I then – stupidly – sat my phone on top of my car while I attempted some handstands (I’ve been practising them lately). We were hungry, so decided to go to ASDA for some food. On arrival I searched for my phone, it was then I realised what I had done – I drove away with the phone still on top of the car! What a retard! I went back to have a look – in the rain I might add – but no luck, it wasn’t there. On my way back to ASDA something lying on the road caught my eye; it was the battery cover for my phone, about 800 meters away from where I set off! Unfortunately that was all I found, I lost of my phone 
I bought a new one that night costing £105 in total, £105 that I didn’t have spare.
Yesterday I was going for a drive and decided to give my car a hoover before going. I took it to a garage for quickness, and began to hoover my car. I started, and accidently sooked up the battery cover which I mentioned above! It was jammed in the nozzle, so in order to finish off my car I had to remove the nozzle. After removing it, the hover end was much larger so I had to be watch what I was doing… as you can probably guess, I didn’t… I was stupid – retarded – and hovered up a packet of chewing gum and a packet of starburst! I also hovered up my scarf, but managed to catch it half way down before it disappeared! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Then, to finish it off, I arrived home from university today, cold and in need of some food. I searched my bag for my house keys… which weren’t there! I sat outside my house for around 1hr trying to get someone to bring me a set of keys. In the end I had to get a bus down to my mums work to get her key, then a bus back down. I would’ve driven, but my all my keys are attached…. 3hrs later, here I am…
